Shadow Work

Things have been quiet around here but it hasn’t been for a lack of action and development in my spiritual program. Since the last time I wrote I have been to no less than four magical workshops. Two were full weekends, one was two days, and the final was a short half-day. Three of them were expressly Reclaiming-based, and the fourth was taught by a former Reclaiming/Feri priestess who now has her own mystery school.

These experiences have taken me deep into the realms of my own shadows. The painful realization is this; I have never once done an honest sex inventory on my Fourth step. Not because I haven’t tried, or wanted to do so. Simply because I haven’t been ABLE to. I have not had enough comfort and integration with my shadows.

I’ve walked through these shadows before, in therapy and through the Twelve Steps. But never have I walked through them with magic, through the use of ritual, trance, somatic work, divination, art, meditation, and chanting. It has lifted the veil into a whole new level of wounding that had not been touched by my previous efforts at healing. Starhawk and so many others talk about the three-part soul. I think my Talking Self was mostly healed by many years in therapy and through the Twelve Steps, but I am uncovering this whole area of hurt at the level of Younger Self that is still raw and desperate and powering me from a place I wasn’t even aware of. And the Younger Self is the connection to the God-Self, so what does that say?

There is much to do but one of the challenges is also to stop drilling through my pain like it is an obstacle on the path to Nirvana. I have to sit with it and honor it, listen to what it whispers, be open to the lessons and mystery it has for it. This is all HAPPENING because I refused to integrate this and shoved it aside. I cannot heal it while taking the same approach that it is too dangerous to even look at or touch.

I wish for myself a slow healing. So mote it be!

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2 Responses to Shadow Work

  1. Jo J. (Jo Lynx on Facebook) says:

    This resonates – after many years of being sober and doing 12 step work and following a solitary Pagan path I felt there was something missing, something I wasn’t reaching, was t seeing about myself. I had danced around the public edges of Reclaiming/Feri during those years and felt drawn to it. I found an initiate teaching Feri and began studying, I am beginning to find those pieces of myself that I had buried deeply.

    Jo

    • 12StepWitch says:

      Jo, that is so great. Feri is definitely something I am interested in. Many of my Reclaiming teachers are also Feri initiates so I feel I am getting the bonus of an education on that tradition as well. It is probably something I will pursue one day but I do intend to spend the next several years at least focusing on Reclaiming (so says the human, making plans while God(s) laugh).

      Witchcraft is so heavily influenced by Jungian psychology-and did you know Jung is the doctor that “Roland” speaks of in the Big Book who talked about how people could recover from these hopeless conditions if they had effective spiritual experiences? I love the connection.

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